How to Develop Self-Control According to the Bible
Here are some ideas on how to develop self-control according to the Bible
Introduction
Our world is one that is instant gratification.
We can make orders with only a few taps, watch pretty much anything we want with the click of a button, reply to messages instantaneously, scroll through hours of entertainment if we feel bored.
However, there is a difficulty with having everything we desire.
Sometimes we want what we don't need.
But the Bible calls us to something else – to have self-control.
Paul mentions self-control as the last of the Fruits of the Spirit:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance..."
Galatians 5:22–23, KJV
The word temperance in the KJV is synonymous with self control.
Self-control is being in control of our desires, emotions, words and actions instead of them controlling us.
It's not about being "emotionless".
It's related to learning how to live God's life.
What is Biblical Self-Control?
Biblical self-control is when we do the right thing, regardless of our own desires.
It involves controlling:
* Our words
* Our anger
* Our thoughts
* Our desires
* Our appetites
* Our spending
* Our entertainment
* Our sexual behavior
Technology use by us
Our response to others
Self-control is not a matter of denying all desires.
It means to deny our desires the mastery they seek to have over us.
Why is self-control a fruit of the Spirit?
Paul does not just say to the Christians, "You need to try harder to control yourselves.
He puts self-control in the Fruit of the Spirit.
This is because Christian self-control is a fruit of the Spirit and the relationship with God.
We work with God's transforming work in prayer, in obedience, in wisdom and in discipline.
Self-control is thus not only the work of God in us, but also a place of our own choosing to act in obedience.
The fruit of the Spirit is self-control, which starts in the heart.
Jesus taught:
This is to say, "Out of the plenteousness of the heart, the mouth speaketh.
Matthew 12:34
These actions we show outwardly can show what is going on in our inner mind.
When anger is always in control of our words, there can be unexpressed anger in us.
When we spend money with greed we may have a problem with contentment.
When we find ourselves continually being tempted to do something, we need to look at what we are letting in our hearts and minds.
Self-control is deeper than behavior.
Its opening is the heart.
This is a story of self-control, not weakness.
Sometimes people think that self-control is restricting.
Biblical self-control is indeed a strength.
Proverbs says:
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.
Proverbs 16:32
Proper control of self may be more strenuous than control of others, Scripture says.
The true measure of strength is not in forcing others to do what you want them to do.
True strength is sometimes expressed in the ability to say:
"I could, but I won't."
Self-Control Over Anger
One area in which self-control is clear is anger.
James writes:
Make haste to listen, be slow to speak, be slow to anger.
James 1:19
When we are angry we say things that we regret.
It can ruin friendships.
It can break relationships.It can wreck marriages.
It can cause needless disagreements.
With self-control, there is an interval between emotion and response.
We take a breath first.
We listen.
We pray.
Then we act in a wise way.
We need to learn to have self-control over our words.
The tongue is a strong muscle.
James likens it to a fire that can set fire to a great deal.
Self-control, thus, involves the acquisition of the ability to speak at the right moment and to remain silent at the appropriate moment.
Before speaking, ask:
* Is it true?
* Is it necessary?
* Is it kind?
* Is it helpful?
Will it please God?
The strongest statement of self-control is silence.
Self-Control Over Temptation
Jesus was tempted and was never tempted to sin.
Jesus resisted the temptation of the devil in the wilderness, and did not let the desire for food, pride, or ambition sway him.
He continued to be faithful to the Father.
His temptation is a reminder to us that temptation is not sin.
This is won by our obedience rather than by giving in to temptation.
Self-Control in the Digital Age
In this smartphone and social media era, self-control is more critical than ever.
Ask yourself:
How many minutes do I spend on social media?
May I turn my cell phone off?
Do I always run out to see what's going on?
When others do something to annoy me, do I respond right away?
Am I eating content that is causing my relationship with God to suffer?
Am I relying on likes and approval?
Technology isn't necessarily bad.
However, anything that is controlling us can become a problem.
Paul wrote:
Everything is permissible to me, except something that makes me a slave to me.
1 Corinthians 6:12
The idea is very strong:
Let nothing else be your master but Christ.
Self-Control and Money
Self control extends to money matters.
In our society we are constantly being encouraged to:
Buy more.
Upgrade.
You deserve it.
Purchase it now, pay it later.
Contentment and the responsibility of stewardship are biblical values.
Self-control enables us to differentiate between:
"I want this."
and
"Actually I need this.
Not all wishes have to be wishes for items.
Self-Control and Physical Appetites
The Bible also mentions that physical passions can be dealt with.
Eating and drinking, sexual appetites, comforts, and other appetites are not necessarily sinful.
When good things control us, they turn bad.
Maturity in Christ is the ability to love what God has given us without being captivated by it.
Saying no to a person is essential to self-control.
The word that plays a crucial role in spiritual development is:
No.
No to temptation.
Don't do unnecessary arguments.
To avoid destructive practices.
To non-healthy influences.
Don't scroll and scroll.
No to pride.
No to revenge.
Each time we refuse something that attracts us from God, we reinforce the habit of obedience.
The ability to say yes to oneself is also a form of self-control
Self-control is not just what we don't do.
It's also something we select.
Say yes to:
* Prayer
* Scripture
* Service
* Forgiveness
* Healthy relationships
* Wisdom
* Patience
* Obedience
* Rest
* Generosity
It is not the empty life you are aiming for.
The objective is a life aimed at what's important.
The art of developing self-control
1. Pray for It
Pray the Holy Spirit to give you strength in your weak places.
Don't depend solely on willpower.
2. Identify Your Triggers
Ask:
What situations do I typically find myself in that I lose control?
Is it when you're sleepy?
Angry?
Lonely?
Bored?
Stressed?
If you know what triggers you, then you can be ready for them.
3. Remove Unnecessary Temptations
Wisdom doesn't always mean fighting temptation head-on.
It can be avoiding triggering situations that you keep falling into.
4. Create Healthy Boundaries
Set practical limits.
For example:
When we pray, put away the phone.
Don't engage in arguments in the moment.
Limit entertainment.
Avoid unnecessary spending.
Establish consistent routines.
You can have big outcomes without having big boundaries.
5. Replace Bad Habits
Breaking a habit can leave a void.
Swap out negative actions and behaviors for positive ones.
Replace the scrollbar with:
Read Scripture.
Instead of gossip:
Prayer for the person.
Instead of anger:
Take time to listen.
Rather than on impulse buying:
Doing generous or saving acts.
6. Practice Delayed Gratification
Not all wants require an instant response or resolution.
Learn to wait.
Waiting strengthens discipline.
Discipline strengthens self-control.
7. Pray to the Lord
Jesus said:
Think you live in me and I live in you.
John 15:4
The change of a Christian starts with relationship.
As we grow closer to Christ, His character takes over in us.
Self-control is a lifelong journey.
What you do well today might not work out at all tomorrow.
But it's not time to quit.
Spiritual development is a process.
When you fail:
Confess.
Repent.
Learn.
Get back up.
Keep on walking with God.
You don't have to be a failure!
There are 5 questions you should ask yourself before acting.
Before making a hasty choice, take a moment and ask yourself:
1. Is this wise?
2. Does this please God?
3.What could be the consequences of doing this?
4. Will I wish I hadn't done it tomorrow?
5. Am I in control of this desire or is it in control of me?
The reactions of five seconds can save years of regret.
Self-Control and Grace
Self-control must never be a cause for pride.
Even the disciplined person may be arrogant.
Humility should be the result of Christian self-control.
The goal isn't:
See how disciplined I am.
The goal is:
See how loyal God is to me, changing me.
God's grace provides us with the courage to repent and start anew when we fail.
God's grace tells us to be humble when we do our part.
Jesus is the Perfect Example!
Jesus was an example of great self-control!
He resisted temptation.
His words were in His hands.
He was patient with His disciples.
He was silent in the face of false accusations.
He refused revenge.
He offered Himself up to the will of the Father.
He did not lack the power to restrain himself.
It was a surrender of strength to God.
Five Signs of growing self-control
When you're gaining self-control you might be:
You're not as impulsive.
Easier to get along with people.
You think before you talk.
You can deny the unhealthy desires.
More and more, you prioritize honoring God over whatever feels good in the moment.
Sometimes growth is slow, but it becomes evident over a period of time.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is self-control about denying emotions?
No.
Biblical self control is not avoiding emotions.
It involves learning to deal with emotions rather than letting them be the drivers of our actions.
Is it possible to be controlled by self without the presence of the Holy Spirit?
Biblical self-control is a part of the transforming power of the Spirit in believers, while human discipline can bring about behavioral change.
So what if I keep on getting it wrong?
Do not give up.
Admit where you failed, ask God to forgive you, discover why you failed, and grow.
How long to build self control?
No specific time schedule.
Self-control is cultivated in repeated decisions and is a life-long journey with Christ.
Reflection
Self-control is perhaps the unassuming fruit of the Spirit but still has a bearing on virtually every aspect of life.
It is the deciding factor with regard to our words being determined by anger.
If we let temptation be the determinant of our decisions.
Whether our phone controls our attention.
Wheteher money determines our desires or our desires determine our money!
The role of feelings in relationships.
Self-control is not perfection.
It is a freeing from those things that once had a hold on us.
The Christian life is not just about our control over ourselves.
It is to live so fully in God that the more we think, desire, say and do, the more we are like Christ.
The world says:
"Follow your desires."
The Bible teaches:
Walk in the Spirit.
As we go with Him, He gives us the power to say no to that which destroys us, and yes to that which glorifies Him.
Closing Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Your Holy Spirit in my life. Grant me the strength to reign over my thoughts, words, feelings, wishes and actions. Guide me to identify what is controlling me and to have the courage to let it go;
Flood me with wisdom to obey in my moments of temptation. When I am upset, remind me to respond in a patient way. If I am having trouble focusing, bring me back to focus. Forgive me when I sin and let me start again.
Plant in me the fruit of self control similar to Jesus so that my life may become more and more like his.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
